Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Afraid to love?

The song I included below will always pull strongly at my heart ("All of Me" by Matt Hammitt). It puts words, chords, and living feeling into what I was experiencing before Anna was born, the moment she came, and the few days that followed. Remember with me. Let's go back several months to when we were all awaiting her arrival. Oh, what strong hope and anguish mixed in our hearts and minds. And then, she was born! Her birth story turned out to be full of miracles. Remember the waves of intercession that occurred on little Anna's behalf. What a journey!

I remember deciding in my soul the day we found out she could have a heart defect that I would give her to God, again. I would trust Him. And I would put my heart into loving this little girl, no matter how many days I would be given with her.

Enter again into part of my heart and feel with me, if you're willing... as much as you can. Let the sad chords of the song play on your heartstrings, walk the uncertain hours with me, and resolve to give your all to whomever is needing you in whatever season you're in. 

Anna Joy Peppley, my sweet baby daughter, was worth it. She will always be worth it. All of the tears, months of waiting, fears, questions, stress, torturous nights, moments of doubt, hospital memories... and even these agonizing days after her passing. You still have ALL OF ME, Anna girl. 

And that leads me to think...
Does Isaac, my two-year-old, have ALL OF ME? 

       Does my husband have ALL OF ME?

                  And most importantly, does my Lord have ALL OF ME?

All my love... no matter what...

Will you give your heart?

Believe me, I know the pain of loving and losing. My heart may be broken. My arms may be empty. My dreams may be shattered.

But I have no regrets. But I gave, I loved, I lived every moment possible with my sweet baby. She had ALL OF ME. And I think she knew it.

It's worth it. Anna Joy was worth it. Love with all of your heart. Give it. Share it. Risk it. 

Will you ask with me: Does she/he/He have ALL OF ME?