So many times God has reminded me of how He feels for me or taught me a lesson on perspective as I have parented Isaac over the last year and a half. This morning I experienced another of those moments.
Isaac is getting into the stage where he throws fits if he doesn't get his way. Simple things that were once no big deal have become dramatic fights of will. Lots of tears, screaming, twisting out of my grip... you get the picture.
This morning I told him "no" and he was not accepting it well. I said, "Isaac, when Mommy says 'no' it's for a reason. Trust me!"
It immediately hit me. How many times have I cried and fought God's ways, striving to be released from His grip when it's exactly where I need to be? I'm not hearing what I want to hear from Him, so I let Him know that I'm angry. Don't you see my tears? I don't approve of how You're handling things right now, or what You're telling me to do, or how it appears things are going for me. That's just it... "how it appears" to me is completely different than how it appears to Him.
Same for Isaac. He doesn't understand why I tell him "no". But I have a logical, healthy, safe reason. I have his best interest in mind. I can see what he needs. His 19-month-old perspective is so limited compared to what I can see as his mama.
So I let him cry. Fight. But I still do what is best for him. I don't always pick him up when he asks. Sometimes it's the right moment to show him what I'm working on, and other times it's not safe for him to see from my perspective.
I've been wanting to know what God is up to in this journey with Anna. Are you going to heal her? Am I going to have to say goodbye to my precious baby? Lord, I don't approve of what You're doing here! Please let me see from Your perspective. Up! Up! Pick me up!
He'll show me when it's time. Right now He says, "Everything I do has a purpose, and I know what needs to be done. Trust me. Someday you'll see. But for now, you need to rest in knowing I'm your daddy, and I want nothing but the best for you."
The best. God's best is often different than our best. He has such a bigger picture than we do. But He still stays close, walking before, after, and with us every step of the way. Comforting when we don't understand the purpose of the painful fight, the tears of confusion and disappointment.
Just like I say to Isaac when he's upset, "Shhh... it's ok, Buddy. Mama's here..." God the Father says to me, "Shh... it's ok, Love. I am here. I AM." Rocking me in His arms, wiping my tears that keep falling. His heart bursting with love as He looks at my face He created and longs for me to accept the peace He offers.