Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Afraid to love?

The song I included below will always pull strongly at my heart ("All of Me" by Matt Hammitt). It puts words, chords, and living feeling into what I was experiencing before Anna was born, the moment she came, and the few days that followed. Remember with me. Let's go back several months to when we were all awaiting her arrival. Oh, what strong hope and anguish mixed in our hearts and minds. And then, she was born! Her birth story turned out to be full of miracles. Remember the waves of intercession that occurred on little Anna's behalf. What a journey!

I remember deciding in my soul the day we found out she could have a heart defect that I would give her to God, again. I would trust Him. And I would put my heart into loving this little girl, no matter how many days I would be given with her.

Enter again into part of my heart and feel with me, if you're willing... as much as you can. Let the sad chords of the song play on your heartstrings, walk the uncertain hours with me, and resolve to give your all to whomever is needing you in whatever season you're in. 

Anna Joy Peppley, my sweet baby daughter, was worth it. She will always be worth it. All of the tears, months of waiting, fears, questions, stress, torturous nights, moments of doubt, hospital memories... and even these agonizing days after her passing. You still have ALL OF ME, Anna girl. 

And that leads me to think...
Does Isaac, my two-year-old, have ALL OF ME? 

       Does my husband have ALL OF ME?

                  And most importantly, does my Lord have ALL OF ME?

All my love... no matter what...

Will you give your heart?

Believe me, I know the pain of loving and losing. My heart may be broken. My arms may be empty. My dreams may be shattered.

But I have no regrets. But I gave, I loved, I lived every moment possible with my sweet baby. She had ALL OF ME. And I think she knew it.

It's worth it. Anna Joy was worth it. Love with all of your heart. Give it. Share it. Risk it. 

Will you ask with me: Does she/he/He have ALL OF ME?


  1. I came into your story shortly after Anna was born. You and your husband are the strongest people I have ever had the ability witness. Your unwaiving love for Him has made me think about a lot things and for that I am greatful. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story with its many ups and downs and to know that I continue to keep you in my thoughts.

  2. Thank you for sharing your journey. We have never met, but your family and your faith has strenghtened and uplifted me through my own difficult journey. I treasure your heartfelt blog posts. Would you please, please consider turning these precious writings and precious photos into a book that others in pain and loss and love can hold in our hands and be comforted and guided by? Sending you, your husband, Isaac, and Anna Joy my prayers and love...J.

  3. Wow. Again, Wow. I have seen in you both such amazing faith and trust. The wisdom, grace and peace I have witnessed flowing out of your lives is such a blessing! This posting, like many of the others, tears me up. The picture is perfect. It's like the hand of God on your head, Alissa. It basically is, because the guy wearing the ring you gave him is a true gift from God to you, and you are a gift to him. We continue to pray for you, regularly. The honor you have shown our Lord in every possible way is not lost on Him. One of my favorite verses is from 1 Samuel 2:30. It says, "Those who honor me I will honor." Gonna happen. I'm so proud of you! So is He.

  4. Thank you for your post. What a wonderful concept to contemplate. I will take your challenge and ask God if Naomi, Michael, and God have All of Me. Thank you!

  5. Beautiful, Liss. Thank you.

  6. Amen....preach it Alissa.....praise God....excellent question.... thanks for posting....

  7. Just read this, Alissa. Beautiful expression of a question for us all, and asked with such humility of spirit. Thank you for allowing the Lord to use your brokenness to minister to us. Hugs Kathy